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For people with female anatomy, having a vulva doesn’t automatically make you an “expert” in using it. Even if you may have spent a fair amount of time exploring yourself, you may still have questions and curiosity. Although more places are now promoting LGBTQ+ sexual education, it is still not comprehensive enough. For this reason, we’ve prepared a guide to help you explore the various possibilities of pleasure.
Things to Consider Before Intimate Interactions
Determine Each Other’s Language Preferences
Many people enjoy”dirty talk” during intimate interactions to spice things up, but it’s essential to discuss each other’s preferences for terms used for yourselves and body parts. Not everyone likes referring to their genitals as “private parts,” and not everyone finds terms like “vagina” or “vulva” suitable. Particularly for trans or non-binary friends, they may prefer alternative terms, such as “front hole” for the vagina or “chest” instead of “breasts.” Have a discussion before engaging to avoid misunderstandings or discomfort.
Remember to Use Lubrication
No matter the type of sexual activity, lubrication is an essential tool. Many people assume that vulva owners can stay wet at all times, but in reality, arousal is a complex process, and it’s common for emotional arousal not to align with physical reactions. Lubrication not only reduces friction-related discomfort and prevents micro-tears but also protects external or internal condoms, dental dams, gloves, and other protective items. Remember to reapply lube multiple times to maintain a smooth experience.
Comfort, Communication, and Collaboration Are Key
In any interaction, ensuring your comfort and safety is paramount. Express your boundaries and maintain open communication with your partner. Remember, either of you can stop at any time for any reason. Sex should be a collaborative experience, requiring ongoing communication, respect for each other’s pleasure, and investment in mutual well-being.
Start from the Top and Move Down Gradually
As kissing and touching gradually heat up, if your partner is comfortable with chest contact, you can try gently rubbing, kissing, licking, and lightly nibbling their nipples. However, be mindful that some may not want chest touch due to physical discomfort or post-surgery sensitivity. You can also ask your partner gently to ensure they’re comfortable with it, which may lead to a more enjoyable experience.
When both are ready to explore further, first consider safer sex measures. For oral sex, you can use dental dams or cut condoms; for finger play, gloves or finger cots are recommended.
Tips for Exploring Pleasure
Don’t be too focused on achieving a “perfect orgasm.” Every person’s body responds differently! Here are some basic techniques to try:
Start Slowly and Progress Gradually: You can start by kissing and licking the hips, pelvis, and inner thighs to gradually build excitement.
Find the Clitoris and Gently Lick It: Experiment with different motions, such as up and down, circular, side-to-side, or exaggerated tongue movements. You can even use your lips or give it a French kiss.
Expand Stimulation Areas: Don’t limit yourself to the clitoris. You can use your tongue to stimulate the inner or outer labia and the area around the clitoris, increasing your partner’s anticipation.
Observe Your Partner’s Reactions: Even if they don’t express it directly, you can tell from their sounds and body language. Moans of pleasure or drawing closer to you signal they’re enjoying it.
Add Fingers: With consent, gently rub the clitoris. If your partner is okay with penetration, use lube, and gently insert your finger.
Getting to Know and Stimulating the G-Spot
The G-spot is generally located about 1-3 inches up the vaginal canal along the front wall, a soft area. The best way to stimulate the G-spot is by using a “come hither” motion with gentle pressure. Start with one finger, use lube, and maintain communication to find the sweet spot that offers the most pleasure.
Grinding and Rubbing
In female-to-female sexual activities, you can add grinding and rubbing through various positions for increased pleasure.
Scissoring
Both partners face each other, extend their legs, and interlock, allowing vulva-to-vulva contact for back-and-forth rubbing. You can place a dental dam between you for safer sex.
Straddling Position: You can sit on your partner’s pubic bone and gently rub.
Thigh Grinding
Your partner can sit on a bed or chair, and you can straddle their thigh, using body contact to experience pleasure.
Using Sex Toys to Enhance the Experience
External vibrators, such as bullets, wand vibrators, etc., can be used for clitoral pleasure. Depending on the shape and size, they can be used during oral sex, in scissoring positions, or while straddling. For safety, remember to put a condom over toys, which also makes cleaning easier afterward.
For internal exploration, G-spot vibrators are great tools for penetrative pleasure. These toys are typically designed for the G-spot with various shapes and vibration modes that offer precise pressure and stimulation. A versatile and body-safe G-spot vibrator - Magic Flamingo, made of soft silicone for comfortable insertion, featuring a small antenna for safety during use and customizable vibration patterns through an app for varied sensations.
If you enjoy simulating penetration, you can choose a strap-on toy. Select a comfortable harness that accommodates different dildo sizes, making sure the size suits you or your partner’s comfort level. You can also place a vibrator in the harness or try a “strapless strap-on,” which can be inserted into the vulva as a G-spot toy while extending as a penetrative dildo.
Focus on Pleasure, Not Just Orgasm
Don’t make the entire experience revolve around achieving orgasm; instead, enjoy every moment of pleasure along the way. Focusing too much on the climax can make you miss the beautiful experiences in the interaction. Even if sex doesn’t end in orgasm, it can still be a fantastic experience. Release the pressure on yourself and your partner, and focus on enjoying each other, ensuring that both of you have a wonderful time.
Conclusion
No matter how much or how little you want to try, the ultimate experience is a shared creation between you and your partner. We hope that with this information, you can feel more relaxed, enjoy the journey, and embrace a beautiful and intimate time together.
