Let's discover our 20 tips together. Let's go!
- 1. Familiarize yourself with your pleasure first.
- 2. Don't worry about your appearance.
- 3. Don't limit yourself to a time constraint.
- 4. Always have a condom handy.
- 5. Relieve the pressure of orgasm.
- 6. And while we're at it, don't fake an orgasm either.
- 7. Communicate what you want.
- 8. Be comfortable asking questions.
- 9. Know that sex should never hurt.
- 10. And also that you may (or may not!) Bleed.
- 11. Remember not to compare your experience with that of others.
- 12. You don't have to tell someone it's your first time, but you might want to.
- 13. Being safe can relax you.
- 14. Enthusiastic consent is a prerequisite for anything you do.
- 15. Remember to breathe.
- 16. The preliminaries, the preliminaries, the preliminaries. Did I mention the foreplay?
- 17. Caring about your partner's pleasure is more important than technique.
- 18. Feedback is not the same as criticism, so don't hesitate to give it
- 19. Lube is your friend.
- 20. Moderate your expectations.
Have you been dating your partner for a while? Are you starting to want to share a moment of intimacy? Not sure if it's the right time? You are in the right place! We will give you our best advice for a successful first time with peace of mind!
Dating someone new can be exciting, but it can also be terrifying. The success of your first time is mainly about managing your stress and the trust you have in each other in your relationship.
After reading this article, you will be able to understand better and manage the excess of contradictory emotions (Excitement, trembling, fear, passion, doubts.) to finally take the plunge for the first time with your new one.
LET'S DISCOVER OUR 20 TIPS TOGETHER.
Ah, you've finally decided that your relationship is getting more serious, and you feel comfortable and excited about having sex for the first time with your partner. If you've been dating for a while, you and your partner are wearing matching couples bracelets and can't just kiss and touch each other, which means you're already thinking about taking the next step in the relationship. - you are ready to have sex. If this is the first time for you, there are some important facts to consider beforehand. Let's start with the basics: First of all, it's okay to feel a little nervous or shy about your first time. You are not the only one with this feeling.
It happens to almost everyone because, hello, sex can be awkward - and unfortunately, it doesn't go away as you gain more experience.
Second, there is no right or wrong way to have sex. It is because sex is an exploration and discovery of your desires, which takes time. Maybe you won't know what you're getting yourself into right away, and that's okay.
That said, it can be helpful to explore some of your own needs and wants in a one-on-one session with yourself before engaging in sex with a partner (more on that later).
But, basically: Relax, breathe, and take the time to relax. We have enlisted the help of extraordinary experts who will guide you through your first sexual experience. You understood.
FAMILIARIZE YOURSELF WITH YOUR PLEASURE FIRST.
The best thing to do before having sex for the first time: masturbate. "Take the time to explore your own body and find out what you like when it comes to how you like to be touched, which areas give you pleasure and which areas don't," says Azaria Menezes. , sex and relationship coach. She confirms that it can be very stimulating and make way for a lot of fun when it comes to sex with a partner.
DON'TWORRY ABOUT YOUR APPEARANCE.
No matter what face you make or what your stomach looks like in any given position, it doesn't matter! Instead, focus on what you are going through, what makes you feel good, and how it feels precisely to your partner. "The best thing to do is to let go of the idea of sexual performance and make way for what turns you on," says Menezes.
DON'TLIMIT YOURSELF TO A TIME CONSTRAINT.
It probably goes without saying, but it is not necessary to make an appointment. Allowing just a certain number of minutes a day for sex is unnecessary stress.
"Give yourself time and take it slow," Menezes says. Make love when you know you don't intend to make the room not only for the sex itself but also for cuddling. You can also have pillow conversations.
ALWAYS HAVE A CONDOM HANDY.
If there's even the slightest possibility of intercourse, you should already be prepared with a condom, suggests obstetrician Tamika K. Cross, MD. Because condoms help prevent unwanted pregnancies and STIs, take responsibility and don't expect your partner to provide them. "Why to trust someone else's preparation," says Dr. Cross.
TAKE THE PRESSURE OFF OF ORGASM.
The sole purpose of sex doesn't have to be to have an orgasm, says Angela Jones, MD, Astroglide resident health advisor. Especially the first time you do it.
Sure, that's fine - and both partners should actively engage in this as they become familiar with their own needs, but the pressure needs to be taken off. Think of sex as a way to connect with your partner on a deeper level via all of its emotional and mental benefits. "An individual's worth is not related to whether or not they reach the peak of their sex life," says Dr. Angela.
AND WHILE WE'REAT IT, DON'TFAKE AN ORGASM EITHER.
I know pop culture has ingrained within us the urge to moan and writhe with pleasure with every touch, but ultimately do yourself a favor and don't set the bar for a kiss orgasm immediately. According to psychotherapist Nicole Tammelleo, this is especially important the first time you have sex with a new partner. You don't want to create unrealistic standards, especially since many women don't have orgasms the first time they have sex with a new partner.
"If you fake an orgasm or tell your partner you've had one when you haven't, it's more difficult to communicate your needs in the future," says Tammelleo. Plus, once you've gotten into the habit of faking, it's all the more difficult to stop, step back and say to yourself, "Actually, what you're doing doesn't upset me as much as you do. I think so, sorry. "
COMMUNICATE WHAT YOU WANT.
Talking about sex with a new partner is a must. "To have good sex, you need to communicate your wants, needs, and desires to your partner," says Gigi Engle, SKYN's sex and intimacy expert. It includes talking about what this sexual relationship will mean to you, whether you are in a casual or serious relationship, whether you and/or your partner plan to be monogamous, and whether or not you sleep with other people.
And don't worry, you don't have to bring up this conversation the moment you marry someone on Tinder, but you should before you take that trip to the city of books, says Engle.
BE COMFORTABLE ASKING QUESTIONS.
Whether it's your first time or your fiftieth time having sex, the worst thing you can do is assume that you know everything about what your partner wants. No slumber party rumors about massive blowjobs and hickeys can prepare you for what your partner will do. The only way to find out is to ask her: Do they like oral sex, or do they prefer not to talk about it? Would they select the music to be on or off? Asking questions not only shows your partner that you care, but it can also encourage them to do the same, which makes the experience more enjoyable for everyone.
KNOW THAT SEX SHOULD NEVER HURT.
Many women think the first time they have sex, and it will be painful. Although it can be a little uncomfortable and embarrassing, it shouldn't be sad.
When they first have penetrative sex, women have been told that they feel like their partner is "hitting a brick wall," which is not what we should be feeling. Lubricant is an absolute must (we'll get to that later). If it doesn't help things go, you should visit your doctor or gynecologist to find out if you have a vaginismus condition that makes it difficult to enter into the vagina.
If your vagina is burning or itching, or if you feel anything wrong during or after sex, talk to your doctor, especially if the sensation does not go away quickly on its own or if it wears off, even worsens over time.
AND ALSO THAT YOU MIGHT (OR NOT!) BLEED.
The (erroneous, quite problematic) myth that anyone with a vagina bleeds the first time they have penetrative sex is, in fact, dead wrong!
Yes, some people bleed the first time, and this bleeding is usually caused by stretching your hymen - a thin, delicate piece of tissue located a few inches inside the vagina. But over 50% of people don't bleed the first time because the hymen can be stretched during regular, non-sexual activities like jumping on a trampoline, riding a bike, or running.
Plus, bleeding after sex can happen at any time in life, not just the first time. Again, lubricant is your new best friend.
REMEMBER NOT TO COMPARE YOUR EXPERIENCE WITH THAT OF OTHERS.
Not only should you temper your expectations at first, but also keep in mind that when you look back on that experience later, don't blame yourself. If you've been waiting to have sex with a longtime partner for the first time and then breaking up, don't feel bad that you shared that experience with that person as long as you had consensually and enthusiastically fun on the floor.
YOU DON'THAVE TO TELL SOMEONE IT'SYOUR FIRST TIME, BUT YOU MIGHT WANT TO.
No new partner deserves a full report of your sex history. Whether you've slept with 50 people or none at all, that's up to you. I repeat: no one is entitled to your "number." However, getting intimate for the first time can be well, intimate. If you feel like you are hiding something important, it could negatively affect your overall comfort level and ~ vibe ~.
If you tell someone you've never had sex before, and they're freaking out, then they're probably not someone you wanted to be with anyway. You should take this as a signal to be even more communicative with you.
BEING SAFE CAN ACTUALLY RELAX YOU.
Nothing is more distracting than worrying about STIs and pregnancy during sex. Even if it sounds awkward to you, it is so important to discuss with your partner beforehand what you are going to do to protect yourself. Use a condom even if you are using another method of contraception to save both of you from STIs (check local clinics like Planned Parenthood for an accessible/affordable test).
ENTHUSIASTIC CONSENT IS A PREREQUISITE FOR ANYTHING YOU DO.
"Make sure that you enthusiastically consent to whatever the two of you do together," says sex therapist Vanessa Marin. "'Enthusiastic' is a key part of this sentence. Don't just accept something. Make sure you are enthusiastic."
Remember that just because you start an activity - for example, sex - doesn't mean you have to finish or continue it: You have the right to take a break or stop anything. No, this is important. What. The same goes for your partner, of course: Check together that the two of you are enthusiastic about what you're doing as things go on.
REMEMBER TO BREATHE.
Much of the pleasure of sex focus on the sensations you feel rather than, say, your nervousness (which is quite common the first time around, even if you know you are ready to have sex). "Deep breathing is a fantastic way to let go of distracting thoughts," says Marin. As you take those deep breaths, focus on the different parts of your body and how your partner's body feels relative to yours - not just the obvious part, but their fingers in your hair, their hands. on your hips, whatever.
THE PRELIMINARIES, THE PRELIMINARIES, THE PRELIMINARIES. DID I MENTION THE FOREPLAY?
The more aroused you are, the more pleasurable sex is likely to be, so don't neglect foreplay - including oral sex, manual sex, and, yes, good old 'kisses. Resist the temptation to think of these activities as the things you do before you move on to the "main event," "Marin says. Whether or not you have an orgasm the first time you have sex, clitoral stimulation or not. It is the key to pleasure for most women, and vaginal intercourse usually doesn't help much.
CARING ABOUT YOUR PARTNER'SPLEASURE IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN TECHNIQUE.
It's natural to fear that you won't be "good" in bed the first time around, but trust me, what matters most is that you invest in your partner's feelings and vice versa and communicate on this subject.
"A lot of people worry about sexual performance, but maybe the best quality of a lover is enthusiasm," Marin says. If you like pleasuring your partner, they'll notice it and have more fun, she says. Do you need some advice to get started? Simple questions like "How are you feeling?" and "Do you like it when I [fill in the blanks]? Allow your partner to express appreciation for what you are doing or to (kindly) ask for something a little different.
FEEDBACK IS NOT THE SAME AS CRITICISM, SO DON'THESITATE TO GIVE IT.
If you tell your partner that something is wrong - or that something else would be better - they will feel assaulted. But if he cares about your pleasure, he'll be happy to hear how to help you feel it. At the moment, it can be difficult to know exactly what you want, so it can be helpful to talk afterward about what you liked, what you might be without, and what you'd like to try next time around.
LUBE IS YOUR FRIEND.
Using lube is sometimes frowned upon as a sign that you're not aroused enough. Even if you and your body say, "Okay, let's go," a little lube can make sex a lot more pleasurable. Another benefit of using a water-based or silicone-based lubricant with a condom (avoid oil-based lubricant, which can break down the latex) is that less friction means the condom is less likely to damage.
MODERATE YOUR EXPECTATIONS.
Teen movies and TV shows have given us a pretty unrealistic view of what first-time sex looks like. It's always perfectly choreographed, in a romantic mood, and ends with an implicit and simultaneous orgasm. As if.
Don't expect fireworks the first time you have sex - sex is messy, humane, imperfect, and often awkward no matter how many times you've had it. It's the practice and exploration that make sex fun.