In general, foreplay is the “activities that precede sex” or “the stimulation that gets you in the mood.”
But what is sex, and why shouldn’t it include practices that increase desire?
When do foreplay end and the sexual act begins?
Foreplay can mean a lot of different things to different people. I’ll discuss ‘common foreplay’ forms before elaborating on why categorizing various sexual acts can be harmful. Live my definition of foreplay and tell you when I think it should take place (hint: not always before!).
The term ‘foreplay’ is often seen as “what happens before ‘real’ sex” (i.e., a penis entering a vagina - thank you for heteronormative sex education classes!). For a long time, I thought that foreplay meant kissing, caressing, and stimulating each other’s sex with their hands and mouth.
I know this outlook is not uncommon, and it is the definition of foreplay for many people.
So, I will assume that most people differentiate ‘foreplay’ from ‘intercourse’ as long as penetration is involved, especially with penises.
So, what does that mean for people who don’t practice penetration? Don’t they know the ‘real’ sex? it is not my opinion.
I think we all have to keep in mind that everyone experiences their sexuality very differently. There is no one-size-fits-all recipe.
And I’m not sure the preliminaries should just precede the ‘big event.’ Varying the pleasures can be very entertaining and exciting.
As long as the hygiene and desires of each partner are respected, going from penetration to oral sex, then to stimulation with your fingers, and vice versa, can be incredible. And it can even happen if you know how to do several things at the same time.
I wholeheartedly believe that foreplay is different for everyone.
For now, let’s say foreplay is what you do to turn yourself on or someone else on and let’s discuss various things that can be considered foreplay.
Words and lyrics
Asking for consent, saying naughty words, what spoken or written can turn you and your partner (s) hot.
Getting close to someone, looking at their lips or other parts of their body, sex, or sticking nipples, what your body says (not to mention touch) can affect you, as well as on your partners.
Photos / Videos
Technology has made this practice popular. Exchanging enticing photos or videos (with someone you trust) is extremely exciting!
How? ‘Or’ What? Yes, wearing sexy lingerie or a costume to lure yourself and your partner is also a form of foreplay!
Take any form of contact, whether it’s touching someone’s hand, their gender, or any other part of their anatomy (and yours).
Kissing - licking - biting - sucking - mouth activities
As with caressing, it encompasses everything you do with your mouth, whether your lips fall on your partner’s or any other part of their body.
My favorite form of foreplay. Using a sex toy can be exciting for you or your partner; you can also consider wearing a butt plug during the day or using a vibrator with your playmate.
Whether it’s watching someone undress or a porn video, visual stimulation can be excellent foreplay.
How to do the foreplay well? Our complete guide!
Do you think you have to touch each other for it to count as foreplay? FALSE! Doing it is incredibly effective! Raising the desire of his partner can be done from a distance! A little “Can’t wait to see this new lingerie tonight.” on a post-it slipped into her diary, an “I want you” whispered on the phone, or a sext that describes everything you want to do.
For sexting, avoid harsh language, especially if it’s the first time! Instead, start with a little “What if we stay home tonight?” I’m sure we would find something to do…”, and if she fits in with your game, don’t hesitate to tell her that you “want to press her against the wall, rip her shirt off and then lie down on the living room table”!
In women, imagination is crucial for successful foreplay, so play
Work on the atmosphere!
Suppose your room is rather basic, like a mattress on the floor, a halogen floor lamp as a bedside lamp, and a pile of filthy socks in one of the corners, at work! If you want to get to the preliminaries, you will have to work a little on all that! What’s more, we have prepared a little guide for you to help you make your bedroom a little sexier, so get some ideas! Even with a minimal budget, it is possible: a small dim lamp, soft and clean sheets, and one or two candles here and there, it is already perfect! And plan what to put on a little background music, special preliminary: a slightly worked playlist can put you both in an even more naughty mood.
Advice for those who have been in a relationship for a long time and who live together (and who may even have children.): if you want Madame very much to go directly to the bedroom with you when you get home, plan to do a little bit of storage and cleaning at home. It may seem horrible down to earth, but coming home and falling into a mess everywhere, a pile of dishes and a hanging machine, there is nothing better to cut the ’envy.’
The Forbidden Zone challenges
Okay, you’ve been turning up the heat all day, you’ve worked on the look of your bedroom, and finally, here we are! What do we do now? How to start the foreplay well?
If you’re not sure, we have an infallible rule for successful foreplay and not to pounce on it too soon: the Forbidden Zone challenge. Your challenge: touch it, stroke it, have fun with your tongue wherever you want, except HERE, for 10 minutes! Yes, you read that right. Approach, blow on it, stroke the inside of her thighs, but stop just before. Give him a massage with oil or a massage candle: shoulders, back, hips, buttocks, thighs - bring your hands very close, but do not touch! Anticipation is an excellent preliminary! And 10 minutes is a long time. After that, it might be her who ends up grabbing your hand and placing it where she REALLY wants it!
The ultimate tool for successful foreplay: the tongue! And not necessarily THAT where you think! There are many other sensitive areas where your tongue can work wonders (avoid spreading too much.)!
- The neck: from the earlobe to the collarbone, passing through the magic slighthollow at the necktie
- The inside of the arm and the bend of the elbow: the skin is thin, and a series of kisses that gently rise from the forearm to the shoulder, with a few small licks scattered along the path, it’selectrifying!
- The chest,of course! Run your tongue between her breasts, kiss them, suck and nibble (gently!) On the nipple, stroke them. And slowly go down to the navel and lower.
- The inside of the thighs: and the closer you get, the more delicious it will be.
- The lower back: don’tforget the other side! Slide your fingers along her back, play your tongue on the small of her back, ultra-sensitive, and grab hips and buttocks with both hands, to show her how much you want her! Buttocks love to be stroked too!
- And,of course, the clitoris and everything that surrounds it! Some women don’t like cunnilingus, so be observant and listen when you do. The watchword is to go as slowly as possible and to keep your tongue as flexible as possible! For the complete user guide, it’s here! The secret of foreplay: listening to the other
The point of foreplay is to build up desire, and for that, you have to do things to your partner that she likes. It is therefore essential to listen and to try as much as possible to read the clues that she is going to give you, and that will help you to know if what you are doing is pleasant for her or not. ! If in deep cunnilingus she squirms a bit, you might not be in the right place. If you hear an ‘ouch’ in the middle of a shoulder massage, you may be going a little loud… And don’t hesitate to ask her to tell you precisely what she wants - during foreplay or after!
In my opinion, reducing foreplay or intercourse to certain specific acts and behaviors can significantly impoverish sexual interactions.
The foreplay is to eroticize yourself and your partner; to feel and play with the sexual tension between you, the crescendos, the rhythm, and the energy of your relationship.
The preliminaries are a continuum. In my opinion, they are essential and should always be present. If not, explore your pleasure individually before trying with someone else.
That’s it for me. I’ll leave you with one of my favorite quotes from one of my favorite women, Esther Perel:
“Foreplay begins when the last orgasm has ended. “
Tell me what you think about foreplay, what you think it is or should be. I would love to have a heart-to-heart discussion on this topic!